My shoes clack under the tile floors as I find myself in unfamiliar territory, cougar pride and red nation advertised all over the walls instead of my accustomed Penguin Pride, my regular silver and purple. I ball my fists nervously. I can already see the cliques and friend circles.
Phases are the most convenient way to explain what a new kid might encounter at a new school. For me, it started with the Preparation Phase – when I started to plan an unnecessary amount for almost every scenario; just in case everything else failed.
For example: seating arrangements. In class, I may be unaware that that girl in the blue sweater has two best friends and I just sat in one of their seats. Lunch can be equally overwhelming, because even when I do have the courage to sit in the middle of a group of kids, what’s going to assure me that I won’t morph into their personal ghost? I would become the person that’s there but never really heard or seen.
Or when you can’t find the bathroom (again). Or walking into the wrong classroom. Or that dreadful moment when the teacher asks you to pair up. Or when you can’t open your locker: who are you going to ask? Or that nauseating feeling you may encounter when you feel as though you’re going to embarrass yourself if you so much as speak.
There is only one type of person who is all too familiar with this phase. The New Kid. The kid who knows the real definition of taking that first step on a new campus. As for myself, if all else fails, I imagine an all mighty, magic eight ball that will give me an honest answer to the questions I have about how I should behave or any other question about this undefined palace I’m walking into. Although I know it’s not that easy.
The result is phase two, the acclaimed Self Advertising phase. I begin this phase by trying to know everything, thus making myself more open to conversation, hopefully ensuring a conversation with me to be more bearable. I literally tried to submerse myself in books, music, favorite films, photographers, people, blogs, websites, creative writers, poets, etc.- the list goes on.
Unfortunately,this didn’t work to my advantage as well as I was hoping. My personal interest started to
become more like a pet; I loved it but wasn’t looking forward to cleaning it up. Other kids may have coped with this phase differently- maybe a new haircut or words of encouragement from a friend.
Whatever path you may choose, it’s all the same in some sense and all for the same reason: to make ourselves feel more appealing, more complete to others who see us as so empty. This emptiness is defined to me as the way another student might look at a new kid or better yet somebody they don’t know.
If you’re a new kid, and you went through the previous phase and it didn’t turn out the best, it’s okay. This isn’t your fault, you’re not boring or dumb or incomplete in any way. It’s just hard to
remember that no one knows who you are or who you were at your old school.
The same can happen the other way around. You don’t know who they are, and then assumptions are made and this is not just a phase but a place most do not want to be in. When I come across this double-edged sword, I try to remember that they have a story, too. Maybe this person hasn’t moved, but they’ve experienced change. And maybe this person isn’t friendless, but they know sadness. Sure, I’m wandering aimlessly, completely lost, but they may also know what it means to be painfully nervous.
This person might be busy, but they do care, right? This is the next abrupt challenge which I think of as the New Friends phase. A person who has been at a school for a period of time is established. They can appear very busy and this is intimidating because it’s hard to judge if that person can bother with friendship.
They already have plenty of friends, clubs they’re involved in, and teams they’re a part of; while a new kid is just floating there anonymously.
’m aware of this reality but I’m also aware that there is no way this concept can last. Honestly, I have no reason for this assumption other than this known fact:”established kids” often will take the time to look more deeply into this “anonymous person”, but it has to be for something more consequential than
having the same favorite song in common. If you’re a new kid, you may not feel established but you have established and developed feelings much more complicated than you are ready to share with new friends.
Although moving to a new school provides an outlet for these new feelings, keep in mind the people you meet who are “established” might have the same feelings, but a different outlet (or the same outlet for slightly different reasons). And, if the “new kid” allows it, there is a real platform to build friendships on. It can start with a mutual love for the same song but it escalates with that understanding.
As for myself, I’ve been the “new kid” a number of times in just a few short years. Over time, I’ve become more receptive to these feelings and others’ feelings, and stronger because of it. That, and the combination of the experience of the move in general really can make you stronger- and I’m guessing other new kids have experienced this as well.
I didn’t mean for this to be a philosophical article, but it is just that, because this is my current phase–telling strangers my opinion on what it’s like to be a stranger. This article was not made for the rest of the student body to understand me or other new kids better but as an overall attempt to increase our understanding of each other. So keep in mind New Kid, that there are other new kids in addition to you and that those kids that aren’t new are still just kids.
